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I am eager for the next three weeks to be over. By then, my sewing class will be finished, the bulk of the semester and essentially all of my teaching will be complete, I will see my baby via ultrasound again (the big one!), my father will be visiting, and I’ll have a few days off for vacation and Thanksgiving. But for now, I am busy and persevering, taking comfort in what I can.
I finally finished Amazing Grace and moved on to a book on writing your birth plan. Amazing Grace was good, but it seemed to go on and on. I thumbed through Acedia & Me at Barnes & Noble, and it seems to have a bit more narrative structure, much like The Cloister Walk, so I’m looking forward to getting my hands on a copy. For now, I am knee deep in baby books, which is where I think I should be. Adam told me the other day that I’m in the info gathering phase and I keep repeating the same facts over and over to him about childbirth, daycare, etc. He a real trooper to keep listening as I yammer on about natural birth and the statistics for c-sections in the U.S. He even went with me to Victoria’s Secret to buy new bras. Aww.
Tonight, I will sew and hopefully finish my apron. I don’t know what to make next, but I feel accomplished having made something myself (and finally understanding how to use my sewing machine). I also found information on how to convert non-maternity clothes to maternity. I plan to buy some cheap items at the Salvation Army and some stretchy fabric and give it a shot. If I ever get time for it, that is. I’ll have papers to grade this weekend and I’m proofing the new issue of Relief. So, so busy.
But three more weeks, three more weeks . . .
This weekend, I dragged Adam to a coworker’s wedding. It was at an Episcopal service at a church we hadn’t visited before. After the wedding was a small buffet and cake. I took a much too large piece and enjoyed every sugary bite.
During a lovely walk after church yesterday, we decided that we should be attending All Saints Episcopal Church. We haven’t gone in several weeks (and attended another church yesterday), but we are drawn toward the liturgy and tradition, and it seems God is calling us there for now. It is comforting to have somewhere to rest. Perhaps we will make a home there.
I am still (still!) reading Amazing Grace. I need to finish it and am quite anxious to read Norris’s latest, Acedia & Me (though they still don’t have it at the library). I am embarassed at how little I’ve read, and just put a bunch of childbirth books on hold at the library. Maybe I’ll be more inspired to read books about the little one.
I’m glad to say that I had a lovely, restful weekend. Fay was supposed to rain down on us, but the rainfall was mild and the sun came out quite a bit. The temperatures were a bit cooler, so I went running around the neighborhood twice. As the weather cools, I plan to run outdoors more often — in addition to my bike riding, of course. I’m looking forward to fall and to days that are not 90 degrees.
Friday was a good ending to last week. I had a doctor’s appointment, which took much longer than I expected, early in the day. When the nurse pricked my finger to take blood, I covered my eyes because I hate it so much, and the woman standing with her daughter who was next in line said, “See, she’s a grown up and she doesn’t like it either.” What an example I am. I did get to read a sizable chunk of Kathleen Norris’s Amazing Grace while in the waiting room (forever). Good news: I’m healthy. From the doctor’s office, I had to rush to lunch with coworkers to celebrate a birthday. We went to a semi-fancy place called The Pillars, and I had the most amazing fillet mignon salad with spinach, peaches, tomatoes, and a lime dressing. It was delicious. After work, I went for a run and camped out in front of the TV, while Adam was at work.
Saturday, I overslept and we missed the food share at church. Adam and I did our regular grocery shopping and also stopped by Old Navy to buy jeans — they had a one day only sale on jeans for $12. Adam spent the day reading a lot for class. I read and napped and relaxed. We took Penny for a long walk, then went to Callaghan’s for the best burgers ever. Afterward, we stopped by Blockbuster and bought four movies for $20 — Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix; Paris, Je T’aime; Once; and National Treasure. We pulled the guest bed out onto the living room floor (something we did often when we first got married and wanted to wanted to watch TV in bed) and watched Harry Potter.
Yesterday, I slept late again. Then we dashed off to church and returned home to do laundry and prepare for class this week. I napped again (I was really tired!) and went to the gym to swim laps. We ate delicious, greasy pizza for dinner and watched National Treasure. We also caught a glimpse of the Olympics closing ceremonies.
Today, it’s been rainy. The rain was very loud last night, due particularly to the metal and concrete between the houses that make the rain sound much louder than usual. I was in and out of sleep all night, though I feel OK today, definitely ready to take on this week.
I’ve decided I’m going to read Eats, Shoots & Leaves out loud to my class this semester. It’s a slim volume on punctuation, and it’s laugh-out-loud funny. My plan is to read it for 5-10 minutes at the beginning of class most nights, to give everyone a chance to settle down–and for fun, of course. I had a professor in college who read us Kurt Vonnegut’s Cat’s Cradle in a semester, taking up large chunks of class to do so. I loved it (though I remember often having a hard time following at 8 a.m.), so as an homage to Dr. Stewart, I present Eats, Shoots & Leaves.
Tonight, however, I won’t be reading anything aloud except for homework and a prompt for the diagnostic essay. I’ll pass out the syllabus and most likely spend the rest of the time doing crossword puzzles while the students write. Then I’ll have to madly read all the essays before Thursday in addition to preparing for class. Let the madness begin.
This weekend was a whirlwind of fun, enough to keep my mind off of my awful week. Saturday, Adam and I walked Penny to the market. She’s not very socialized and tends to freak out when she sees other dogs or, especially, cats. She did all right, though, and we got some blueberries and yummy scones. The produce selection was pretty slim, so we went to Jimmy Lowe’s Fruit Stand to buy grapes, peaches, and eggplant. The produce was excellent, much better than Wal-Mart, so we’ll keep shopping there. After Adam took a nap and I did some reading, we went to the theater to see The Dark Knight. It was hands-down the best movie I’ve seen this summer, comes highly recommended. We returned home; grilled sausage, eggplant, and red peppers; and relaxed with some chianti.
Yesterday, Adam worked and I finished reading On Writing, read Proverbs 2-6 and Isaiah 11-13, watched Penelope cleaned the all the floors in the house, kickboxed in the living room, and went to the fire station for dinner. We ate burgers and tater tots and drank sweet tea. Then, we shot baskets for a bit and watched Rescue Dawn, which I didn’t finish but Adam said the ending was really good.
Today, it’s back to work for me, and Adam is taking a final exam for his summer class. After work, I’m hoping to sneak to the library to get something good to read and a book on sewing. Teaching ends this week, so it’s time to do all things domestic.
This morning, I pulled my old copy of The Outsiders out of the box of books my dad sent a while ago. I first read The Outsiders in Mr. Burruto’s 8th grade honors English class and loved it. We spent at least a quarter of the year reading and analyzing the book, though we didn’t watch the movie because Mr. Burruto said it was poorly made, coming on the heels of Apocalypse Now, a film Francis Ford Coppola had spent too much time and money making. So, of course, I rented The Outsiders, and it wasn’t a great movie. It could have been on par with American Graffiti or, maybe, Grease (without the singing). But, in spite of all this, it does star Matt Dillon, Ralph Macchio, Patrick Swayze, Rob Lowe, Emilio Estevez, Tom Cruise, and the beautiful Diane Lane as Cherry Valance. How could you go wrong with a cast like that, Mr. Coppola? At any rate, I digress. The book is tucked safely in my bag so I can read it tonight while my students write.
[As a side note about Mr. Burruto, I ran into him a year and a half ago when Adam and I were in Rochester for Christmas. We were at a Kinko’s making official and final copies of my masters thesis. I saw Mr. Burruto across the store, walked up to say hi, and he recognized me immediately. We chatted a bit, and he said he still had a form I’d filled out at the beginning of that school year where I had written that my dad was my hero. He dug it up later and gave it to my dad, who has kept it out on an end table in his living room for easy reference. Cute, but embarrassing. I also still feel bad for forging my mom’s signature in Mr. Burruto’s class and lying to him about it when he caught me. Lying is bad. It’ll still haunt you 14 years later.]
Speaking of class, I decided to teach again in the fall. Yesterday, I had a meeting at the University of South Alabama with the head of the composition program and will be teaching Composition II on Tuesday and Thursday nights. I know I said before that I wouldn’t teach again, but I have hope that teaching at a different college (one that actually has standards and, say, an attendance policy) will be better. I actually told Adam that I’d like to go to massage therapy school so I could work part-time as a massage therapist and part-time as an adjunct professor. He said that would be fine, except that fewer and fewer people will be getting massages if the economy gets worse. So, for now, we’ll just put that in the maybe pile.
Well, it’s back to work after a lovely weekend. The barbeque Saturday night was almost rained out. A slew of wild thunderstorms came through around 6 o’clock, when the party was starting. We didn’t make it there until 8 because Adam was working. When we arrived, most people were well on their way to being quite happy, so we chatted mostly with Daniel (who works with Adam) and his wife, Adrienne. Afterward, we went to their house to play Wii, which I had never played. I’m glad we don’t own one because I could see all my time being sucked up playing Guitar Hero. We stayed up much too late, and yesterday we were exhausted. Our Sunday was spent going to church, napping, grading papers, reading Stephen King’s On Writing, and watching Mama’s Boy, which was a quirky, fun film.
I’m still really tired but have been ridiculously busy already this morning, which helps. Also, the sun is coming out. That helps too.
I just brewed the last of my mango and peach white tea. It’s been a stormy day and a cup of tea seems appropriate. Thursdays are my favorite day of the workweek, lately. The early part of the week always feels busy and rushed. This week, in particular, I’ve been buried under paperwork–grading papers, proofing, writing, editing–but have climbed out of the slush and now can relax for a bit.
I found out last night that my class ends a week earlier than I thought. Class will meet only one more time before the final. It’s a blessing and a nuisance since I don’t mind being done early but now I have to revamp my plans. I do have lots and lots of papers to grade before Wednesday, so I better hustle . . . though not before I finish my tea.
I would like to get my hands on a copy of the summer fiction issue of the New Yorker and sprawl out on the couch to read it. Then, when my eyelids got heavy, I’d close them and dream my own fictions. (Last night, I dreamed that my boss’s boss gave me tickets to see the Yankees play the Mets at Shea Stadium. I wish that would happen in real life.) Instead, I’m at my 9-to-5, planning to go to the gym later, and then maybe home to read Stephen King’s memoir on writing with a glass of wine . . . not tea.
I wouldn’t go so far as to say I have blogger’s block, but I have sat down to blog several times in the past few days and don’t feel like I have much to say. I’ve done some reading, watched a few movies, worked, relaxed. It’s all been quite uneventful.
I did finally finish The Cloister Walk, which was bittersweet. I wish Kathleen Norris would send me a new snipet to read everyday so I could prolong the joy of reading this book forever. I know I’ll read it again . . . and again and again. It prompted me to attend an Episcopalian church service yesterday. There’s a beautiful Episcopalian church just around the corner from our home that I pass everyday, so it was the obvious choice. I went alone (Adam was working) and sat in awe of the service, mostly impressed by the Eucharist and the scripture readings. I’m planning to return next week.
I also saw WALL-E and didn’t enjoy it. When I go to a Pixar movie, I expect to feel overjoyed and child-like, not like I’m getting more save the earth agenda-pushing. I already hear enough about it. It’s a cute movie, but it’s no Ratatouille or Monster’s Inc.
This holiday weekend was a lovely break. I’m glad when the clouds of life part, and the sun shines through, even if just for a moment.
(How’s that for a cheesy metaphor? What can I say? It’s Monday.)
I skipped church this morning, but spent some time reading Philippians and trying to pull myself out a funk. Lately, I like to read The Message version of the Bible. I used to not enjoy The Message, finding it odd and wordy, but in Eat This Book, Eugene Peterson describes The Message translation as being a version of Scripture for Americans. Not that I think Americans are odd or in need of extemporaneous language, but understanding this Americanized context helps me find new revelations in my Scripture reading. I got to Philippians 3 and was particularly struck by this passage:
The very credentials these people are waving around as something special, I’m tearing up and throwing out with the trash—along with everything else I used to take credit for. And why? Because of Christ. Yes, all the things I once thought were so important are gone from my life. Compared to the high privilege of knowing Christ Jesus as my Master, firsthand, everything I once thought I had going for me is insignificant—dog dung. [v.7-8]
I’ve thought a lot lately about vocation and career, about where I find my self-worth and identity, and about how making comparisons between myself and others is a real joy-stealer. Ultimately I’ve been looking to “credentials” to somehow provide me with joy and worth, rather than finding these things in the “privilege of knowing Christ Jesus as my Master.” I have a hard time wrapping my mind around this, reconciling the goals I hope to achieve in my lifetime and a complete abandonment of worldliness for Christ’s sake. But I know the answer is in Matthew 10:39: “If your first concern is to look after yourself, you’ll never find yourself. But if you forget about yourself and look to me, you’ll find both yourself and me.” Deny myself, take up my cross, forget the world, and God will show me my true self, my true vocation, my true joy.
I’m almost finished reading The Cloister Walk. I was encouraged today to read that many monks and nuns struggle with finding a balance between work and prayer. Somehow we feel more productive when we do, not when we just sit with God.
A friend from college left me a message today that said, “you’re beauty.” It was a lovely surprise.
Musings 